Nick Rambles

I always write with music playing. Today I have “Voices In My Head” by Falling In Reverse to start us out.

I had plans today, but last night I tossed and turned just a little too much and now my back doesn’t want to let me move much. So instead, I’m sitting at my computer once again, pondering my future.

I’ve been having trouble getting comfortable at night and apparently having more breathing stoppage even with my bipap, so that’s not been encouraging or comfortable. Getting drowsy during the day again.

On the other hand, bedtime rolls around and I’m so damned awake I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to. So I stay up later than I want to or should, and I’m exhausted when I finally crash.

Short version: Insomnia sucks.\

I have no sage advice today. I’m just grumping.

My friend is being forced to move because her home is falling down around her and there’s nothing I can do for her. I can’t even take on one of her kitties she can’t keep now, even though she’s only a few hours away from me, because I’m over pet limit already. Helpless.

I can’t sleep properly, meaning I can’t function properly during the day. I’m doing what I can, but it’s never enough. Helpless.

Can’t work a normal job and am gonna need some pretty big accommodations to work an abnormal one, so I’m stuck on disability. Helpless.

Can’t start my dream business because I can’t afford food, some weeks, much less inventory, licensing, and locations for such a thing. Helpless.

Even my lizard doesn’t like me these days.

Just feeling, as you can probably guess, helpless and a little hopeless.

If we’re lucky, this is chemical, but I know it’s somewhat situational, too, and there’s little I can do for it.

On the up side, I have an amazing wife who did all our dishes in the damn bathtub because we have a slummy apartment that lost water to the kitchen during the winter storms a couple weeks ago and still hasn’t been fixed. Now, I just have to keep up with what we use on the daily.

I also have the sweetest friends and partners that keep me uplifted and encouraged when they’re around with kind words, bad jokes, and distractions aplenty.

Point is, I’ll get through this, I’m just grouchy today and needed to vent.

And on that note, we finish this post with “The Best of What’s Around” by Dave Matthews Band. How appropriate…